I had the most interesting dream lastnight. I drea…

I had the most interesting dream lastnight. I dreamt that I was in this little diner right around the corner from us. (I had an interview there this morning for my column…) And in my dream, I had a picture of my sister and laid it on the countertop by the cash register. This woman came up to the picture and began crying. She said, “You’re sister is with us. I can feel her.”

I said, “Well, where is she?” And she pointed to my niece, and said..see that light just beneath her feet? There she is” And I looked at that light. It transformed into the shape of a rose bud, and then slowly began blossoming as my niece danced in the light. In my dream, I kept saying “It is so beautiful.”

So, this morning the whole family goes to that little diner. I am profiling the restaurant and ofcourse, I have to eat there first! (Pregnant woman over here, smirking.) So, we had breakfast. I walked into the cafe and it was the strangest thing…it was so much like my dream. I mean, down to the placing of the cash register and all. It was weird. It was familiar, yet I had never seen the inside before.

I was wondering how many heads we would turn because there are still so many racial issues here. But everyone was really nice. After a big plate of pancakes and scrambled eggs, I snapped some shots for the column and spoke to the owner. She has quite a story.

Her husband died three years ago; he was hit by a car and died instantly. Before he died, he sold his business to buy all of the kitchen equipment and to start the restaurant. “So, he was in the restauarant industry too?” I asked. “No, he always just wanted to make my dreams come true,” she said.

I opened up a little about my sister. And as we were speaking, I noticed a picture hanging over the cash register. “Reflections of a faithful life,” it read. And there was a picture of her husband. Interesting, the people I am meeting. Simple coincidence or God’s hand?

What hurts the most…

Lastnight around 3 in the morning, I couldn’t sleep. I had this song, tossing and turning in my head. It was this song I heard earlier that day. And without realizing what the words were, it reached me so deeply. I got up to get a drink of water and just started crying. I couldn’t even remember the words; I tried. This morning, I woke up with the song still resonating in my head. And when I looked up the lyrics, I understood.

The cry was good, even at 3 in the morning. It was good.

I think I am going to get this CD today.

Still cold….

Not happy. That is all I have to say about the weather. So we are planning for my baby shower in Florida, and I am trying to figure out where we are going to stay when we get there. Can you believe my husband actually said “The lights are still on in the house, we could just stay there.” I laughed. And in response, he said “That’s not going to work is it?”

I’m almost 7 months pregnant. I don’t think sleeping in a completely empty house on an air mattress is going to work. And I mean, completely empty, as in no shower curtain, no toilet paper, nothing. Men are funny, aren’t they? A little too practical sometimes.

There is a story behind this…After the funeral, I said I would never stay at my mother’s house again..but I will not get into that here. So, I guess we will be staying with friends. I am not a big fan of this; I like to have my own space. Hmm..maybe we will get a hotel.

So, I have to mention this. Even though the woman I am about to talk about here will be reading this shortly. Hubby told her all about my blog. He is so funny. I didn’t mind though.

So, here we are at this couples game night thing. It was fun. I am not usually a game night type of person, but I am trying (TRYING) to open up to my new surroundings. So, the hostess made a cake named “Better than sex.” I think that is how this topic came up. Hubby takes a bite, and says “No, this is not better than sex.” Later on, I try a piece and say “Hey, this IS better than sex.” I am laughing and he is sitting just beside me.

All of a sudden I thought I heard what sounded like “Does your…something, something?” I didn’t hear him clearly. What he was asking her was …Now that you are pregnant, has your sex drive increased?

OMG!!!!

Did my husband just ask another woman that question? I looked at him, and said “No. you. didn’t.” And I know him. It was all innocent. What he was trying to find out is what is NORMAL for pregnant women…you know, since I am not normal and all. I just said, “Don’t ever ask another woman about her sex life, mkay?” (Even though, he didn’t mean it that way.)And you know, I turned to him and whispered, “I am blogging this. I am.”

Like I said earlier, Men..just a little TOO practical sometimes.

Hormonal dreams…

First, I was dreaming about these terrible commercials. I kept saying, “Who comes up with these dumb ideas?” And no one would answer me. I was saying “first the Creepy BK campaign, then the Big chicken chasing you?!” Then, this song kept playing in my head from this awful Ford (I think) commercial where this girl is singing and she keeps saying “Beep, Beep.” Oh, it’s hideous!! These ad companies would all be fired by Trump.

Then, my dreams turned to Yuca. As you can tell, I still haven’t satisifed my cravings for Spanish food.

Then, I had the worst dream. I was bleeding heavily and made my husband drive me to the doctor. When we got there, the nurse looked at her schedule, and said “Sorry, we don’t have any space; should have called first.” I was begging her, telling her that I was bleeding and to save my baby. “Don’t worry, your bleeding is probably from some sort of deficiency.” I grabbed her by the arm, and she called security just as this male nurse was walking towards me with a syringe. “What is that for?!” I asked. “This will calm you down until security comes.”

And I kept screaming, “I don’t want security to come. I want you to save my baby.” But no one would listen.

So, I canceled my doctor’s appointment today. It’s…

So, I canceled my doctor’s appointment today. It’s 40 freaking degrees outside, and it’s March. What the hell is that all about? I obvious belong in Florida or on some island somewhere. I shut down when it’s cold. Although, I didn’t tell the doctor’s office that: “It’s cold, so I can’t be seen today.” I have to find my way back to Florida. I will. I am not warming up to this place at all; though, I have my own column now in the local paper- with my picture and all, and they pay me(woo hoo!) That’s pretty cool. In my first column, I wrote about my sister. I was going to post in on here, but my mother took my only copy and they haven’t linked it online. Yet, that is.

I love writing the column. I can write whatever I want. My husband tells me it’s like being paid to blog. It kinda is. That’s all I got for you today. Although, I am really craving some home made spanish food. Not the kind from a restaurant. But the kind that you can only find in a little old Spanish lady’s kitchen. Yeah, I’m being pretty random today. And that is okay with me.

Saturday, in the park.

Yesterday I took my kids to the Andrew Jackson state park where they were having a huge celebration. It was so much fun, and wouldn’t you know it? My camera batteries died just as we got there. We got to ride a horse and carriage, make candles (which takes forever) and watch a soldier re-enactment, milk a (pretend) cow, and see some bees making honey. Ofcourse, I bought some of that honey- which we will be using for our Sunday morning brunch biscuits in a little bit. Mmmmm.

Here is the one picture I got before the camera gave up.

The weather was nice, and as the kids were playing some old-fashioned games, my phone rang. It was my mother telling me that 1)my brother’s girlfriend may be having a miscarriage and 2) she got my sister’s full autopsy report. I just told her to send me a copy of it and didn’t really respond much. In the middle of my day, I had almost forgotten the sadness that still looms over my life and my family’s. But, it didn’t get me on this day. I was focused on my kids having fun. Sometimes, i just don’t let myself feel.I don’t do it purposely but i just go numb and I forget that she’s actually dead. Like when my husband’s sister called him the other day; he said “my sister called me.” And I actually thought he was talking about my own sister, because she used to call him a lot. Then, I realized…

But, I wonder sometimes if this isn’t some kind of coping mechanism to protect the baby. You would think I would feel more, being pregnant. But, sometimes I think I feel less; Sometimes I don’t feel at all.

Pregnant-birthday-build-a-bear pictures…

Carrot cake- Naomi’s favorite.

Naomi and her cousin (my sister’s daughter.)She always tells me she wants to be a doctor, so I had to buy her this when I found it. Oh, and by the way, she wants to be a doctor and “makeup girl.” SO, when she is not healing patients, I guess she will be making them up– in her mind.

Washing their bears.

Fat mommy. LOL.

How cute is this? I found it at a yard sale on Saturday- just in time to surprise her at the party.

Been staring at a computer screen all day, trying …

Been staring at a computer screen all day, trying to finish up a story and meet my deadline. I haven’t sent it in yet, but I need a mental break and blogging alwats does that for me…writing without thinking, really.

This morning, I threw up over and over again. I mean, who does that when they are 6 months pregnant. (Raising my hand.) It’s so unfair how some women (*coughGirlfromfloridacough*) just sail through pregnancy all glowing and happy. And then there are others, miserable and big and bloated. Yep, I have been gaining that weight. And I will still post a picture of me, I promise, after Naomi’s birthday party.

This morning sucked, but yesterday was precious. I took Naomi out to lunch, just her and I, for her birthday. We went to Olive Garden; shared the soup, salad and breadsticks and she had the biggest smile EVER on her face when all the waiters brought out her sundae- cherry on top- and singing happy birthday. Just as they finished, she announced, “I’m five, uh uh.”

And then I gave her two dollar bills since she is not getting presents until Saturday. Let me tell you, she walked around the house with those dollar bills all day waiting for daddy to get home, just to show him. He worked late and she fell asleep, and then woke up and rubbed her eyes..handed me the money and said “Make sure daddy sees these when he gets home.”

Happy Birfday!

Happy Birthday to my beautiful girl! She is 5-years-old today. I remember when she was four years old and we were sitting in church when the pastor said, “All together now, everyone say I’m free!” Naomi crossed her arms over her chest, and said (really loud) “I’m not free! I’m four!”

It was so funny. So much has changed in a year-obviously.

Naomi and her aunt.

A year ago, we had Naomi’s birthday party in the park. Theme was cheerleader. My sister, I remember, bought the cake, picked up the balloons and took Naomi and my niece to get some professional pictures taken in their matching cheerleading outfits. They were so adorable.

This year, we have lost a life and getting ready to celebrate a new one.

I told my husband that I feel like I have had Naomi all of my life. That is how it is when you have kids. They become a part of you. My prayer, God, is that I can watch her have her own children one day. That is my prayer.

I will post pictures fromher birthday party at Build-a-Bear; my niece is coming for it so we should have a lot of fun:) These pictures are from last year…

*You’re Love*

I have to start this post by saying that I received the BEST COMPLIMENT EVER yesterday; ofcourse, it came from a 4-year-old. But if I never achieve the *things* I want to, well then that simple moment and those simple words mean I do not ever have to.

As we were putting away groceries, my daughter says to me these two words: “You’re Love.” I had to ask her again, because I have never quite heard it put that way. I admit it, I gushed. And then she came up to my belly and kissed it and said “E (the baby)is Love too.”

***

This morning, Hubby took Naomi to her first soccer practice. How cute is this going to be?! And when they got back, I made a huge, scrumptious breakfast. It hit the spot!!!

Mmmmmmm…..Does it get any better than this? (Not for a pregnant woman.)Fluffy scrambled eggs, buttermilk biscuits, fresh strawberries and kiwi, and morningstar farms (vegetarian)sausages. I am not a vegetarian, but they are so good and good for you too. We don’t do a lot of greasy meats.

Naomi’s getting ready to fill her belly…

…and Christian is not thrilled with mommy. ~Do you know how HUNGRY I am?! And you are amusing yourself with that camera?~ Daddy is in the background saying the prayer..what an example I am setting.

Dig in.