Invasion!!

My husband had just left for work when Eli began crying, screaming for a bottle. It is not even 7 a.m. yet and I roll out of bed to make a bottle. So I am standing in the kitchen making his bottle when…I screamed.

They were everywhere! Where the hell did they all come from? There were nasty little ants covering my counter top. Our home is brand spanking new and I have only ever seen an ant here and there. Never in this proportion. (Maybe it’s getting too hot for them and they want to hang out in the a.c.) And…my counter top was clean..no crumbs or spilled juice from what I could see. What were they after?

And so I took a picture to show my husband because I knew he’d think I was exaggerating. I sprayed Lysol all over my counter top and wiped it down after they all died. I haven’t seen any more since then, but it freaked me out to see so many of them and I hate bugs…escpecially when there is a new little baby in the house.

Does any one know of any home remedies for ants? I really don’t think I should have the house sprayed with Eli being so little.

On a lighter and much cuter note…Eli at 3 weeks old:)

Who you lookin at?!

Someone asked me if I had a c-section because my h…

Someone asked me if I had a c-section because my husband and I had sex only a month post partum. Well, I had a normal vaginal delivery but I had no tearing at all. But, I have to admit…we only waited 10 days. Aren’t we bad?! (No, aren’t I bad for initiating it?)

But I think we’ll be waiting for me to get on the pill before ANYTHING ELSE happens. I don’t need another baby now!

Going to sleep mad means waking up mad and getting…

Going to sleep mad means waking up mad and getting in another big argument with hubby. He slept on the couch and kept the baby so that I could get some sleep, which was nice. But I was still annoyed or emotional or something. I don’t know.

So I asked him a question and he responded to me rudely and I told him that if I couldn’t be in a marriage where I could be free to ask him any question at any time, then I would rather not be here at all. And guess what I did? I took out the suitcase and started packing. “I’m going to Florida,” I said. “I won’t be here when you get home from work.”

“Do what you need to do,” he says. “But don’t blame me for you leaving.”

“I am blaming you.”

He is ready to walk out the door to work and I am laying on the bed, drying my puffy eyes and wondering how it got to this point so quickly when he closes the bedroom door and sits down to talk.

“This scares me,” he says. “That you could just leave so easily scares me. No matter what I am here, in this marriage, for life. But I don’t think you are.”

And I am being a brat. “Maybe I’m not,” I say.

And then he starts talking about God and how God brought us together and how he could never be with another woman. And finally it clicks to me. That I am not really ready to leave. I just want his attention. I have been home with the baby for days and nights that are beginning to blend together. And the baby is high maintenance. And my emotions are off the chain. And..he has been working 15 hour days.

“I just need some attention from you. I need more from you right now.”

Basically, I am on empty. I am burnt out.

And so after the tears and the arguing, we made up. We laid on the bed and just talked for a long time about eveything and nothing. And it meant so much to me that he was here with me, and not rushing out the door to go to work.

We end up making up. Make up sex is always the best.

He had to go to work and make sure some things were taken care of. So we went with him and hung out around his office and then went to lunch at Texas Roadhouse. And then we came home together that evening and just hung around the house. I went and finally mailed my birth announcements while he kept the kids.

That night ffter the kids were sleeping, I laid by my husband on the couch and sipped on a freezing cold Mandarine Orange Smirnoff. Good stuff. The drink and the husband:)

And he kept Eli that night, and let me sleep until about 10 when he had to get ready for work.

And now I can exhale. Man, I needed that. I needed him, his time, his help, his attention. I needed him to recognize that I felt like I was sinking. And he did. I feel like he jumped right in and saved me at just the right time. I guess that’s what marriage is about.

I don’t remember how I came across Steve’s blog,…

I don’t remember how I came across Steve’s blog, but it was a long time ago…even before Eddo hooked him up with his phat template:) Steve is into music, as we all know. But, even above that..he is into spreading God’s word through his music. And that touches my heart. We need more like you, Steve.

Go check him (and his new CD) out here.

Puffy eyes.

I e-mailed an old friend of mine, who lived in my neighborhood for years and years. I wanted to let him know that my sister died. He is a sheriff now. It seems like just yesterday we were riding the school bus together. Now, we are both married with three kids. Wow.

Next thought. My husband doesn’t understand me on many levels. I think it has a lot to do with him being a man, not understanding me as a woman. No wonder so many marriages fail. How can you be complete with someone who doesn’t completely understand you? I am trying to figure it out.

Lastnight after an argument with my husband, I laid my head on the pillow and wondered what my life would have been like had we never met. I would have gone through a lot less, right? Or maybe I would have gone through a lot more? (Although I have convinced myself that I would have gone through a lot less.)

This is what happens to me when I don’t get to rest my body or my brain. I begin to think – and analyze- too much. This would be a good time for me to go to sleep. Before I completely lose my sanity. And before my eyes get any more puffy! (lack of sleep mixed with tears=not a pretty picture.)

I was joking with my friend yesterday- typing with…

I was joking with my friend yesterday- typing with one finger over the IM. “You ever seen the dog whisperer?” I asked. “Well, I need a baby whisperer– or nanny 911 for newborns.”

I was kidding half-kidding. Little Eli is a handful! He cries for no reason at all. He doesn’t like his swing. He doesn’t like his boppy. The only thing he likes is to be held by me or to be going somewhere. Yesterday I decided I couldn’t sit in the house with a 5-year-old (who talks non-stop) and hear a screaming baby anymore.

And I had already cleaned the whole house…done the dishes…did all my laundry…even cleaned the bathroom that morning. So we were off to pick up some pictures, eat lunch at Chic-Fil-A, pick up a prescription and a lunchbox for school and then to Michael’s for some craft supplies.

I originally did not plan to do all of that, but he was being SO good! He loves car rides and he loves being pushed in the store carts (in his carrier ofcourse). When he wasn’t sleeping, he was looking around happily. He did not cry once.

Until we came back home and he screamed and screamed some more. My mother told me I was a terrible baby who cried all the time. I told you he’s got my personality. He does this thing where he falls asleep and then wakes himself up and starts crying again. Well, hubby is off work today! Yay! Guess what I am going to do?

Going shopping. I really wanted to avoid buying fat clothes. But I have nothing that fits and I am going to my best friend’s wedding (by the beach:) in Florida in 2 weeks. I do not have enough time to get in shape. I decided I would start working out (really working out- at the gym) when Eli is one month old.

This means, when I come back from Florida. Now that I got all that out, I am going to take a nice, long shower….

…Men.

So Eli woke up at 2:30 a.m. for his feeding. He was screaming. I get up to get a bottle and what do I see? My husband is in the living room playing his Xbox. Wide awake. “You’re up?” I say, a little annoyed. “Yeah, but I’m just up to play the game.” (What are you insinuating? That you’re NOT up to feed the baby?)

So I don’t say anything. I come back into the room and scoop the baby up. I hand him the baby and the bottle. “And now you’re up to feed the baby”, I say.

Men are so funny. Doesn’t he know better by now? I mean, he’s married to ME. I don’t let him get away with it:)I think he got the message. He kept Eli until 10 a.m. when he had to leave for work. Good job, Daddy.

…So lastnight when I got home from taking my hus…

…So lastnight when I got home from taking my husband his keys, I checked the mailbox. And there it was. Finally. First off, let me explain that my husband has a daughter (from before we met) and from a woman that he was not in a relationship with. Just sleeping with. (Grrreat. Those are always great, right?)

So she hated me from the beginning. First, because I am white. She is black and hated hated hated that he was pursuing a relationship with me. (Her issue, not mine.) So then when we got married, she pretty much cut off the contact between he and his daughter, except for the few times she waved it over our heads.

Now he has always paid child support so I had been pushing him for a long time to just go to court. I mean, MEN DO HAVE RIGHTS (even if they do not realize it.) When you pay child support, you have the right to see your child. It is not only up to the woman to tell you when you can see your kid.

It really urks me when I hear men say “She won’t let me see my kid.” Well, if you are doing what you are supposed to be doing and take it to court, then she won’t be able to do that to you.

A few times, we arranged to see the daughter. And we drove an hour to pick her up but they just weren’t (conveniently) at home. And then the next time we were supposed to get her for Christmas and at the last minute, the mother called my cell phone cussing me out. (Real classy.) Her Christmas presents sat unopened for more than a year. I finally began giving them away for birthday gifts. We wanted to send them to her, but the mother had just moved again and so we didn’t have a phone number or address for almost a year.

So we finally went to the courthouse and because we were in two different counties, everything was so confusing. We were being told different things by different counties. Finally we got a lawyer friend to help us draft the papers.

So we finally had the papers sent out and I got her repsonse to our summons in the mail yesterday. And this is what she said, “Father has only seen child 6 times in 9 years and has made no attempts to be a part of her life.”

Are you effing kidding me?! Do you know how many times we played her games, just trying to see the child? So, the last straw was me getting cussed out. Well, whatever. Now with this summons in front of your face, you can’t keep saying that he has made no attempts!! Errr. And btw, 6 times is a joke. Try many many many more.

Anyone who has been through this knows how trying it can be and that’s probably why I don’t talk about it much. It pisses me off. So, we are not playing your games anymore, missy. He pays child support and he will see the kid– regardless of your silliness. (I hate when grownups are too selfish to just get over things.)I mean, move on. So he’s with a white woman and you are single with three kids. (Which is fine if that’s what you want to do but don’t be bitter about it.)

He did not leave you – a black woman- for me, a white woman. So let’s not make this about race. I hate when people do that. I did not make those choices for you. So do not be bitter towards me. (Okay, now that I have that off my chest…I feel much better)

He’s got his momma’s…

personality. Oh yes.

And by this I mean demanding, strong willed, aggressive. Very aggressive.

I must say though, that lastnight he slept for 6 hours straight, waking up only to eat for 15 minutes then went back to sleep until 8 a.m. (Sweet.)

So even though he is putting me through it during the day time, I am getting my sleep at night. This would have probably stressed me out when I was younger, but I just laugh at him. My favorite thing to say to him is “awww..i know..life is just so hard isn’t it?” He’s just too cute for me frustrated.

I have figured out that he loves to be on the go. When he is crying for no apparent reason (clean diaper, been fed, clean clothes) I take him for a walk and he just relaxes and stares up at the sky. The other thing he really loves is car rides. He doesn’t even fall asleep. He just looks all around quietly.

So today he was screaming- again. It was around lunch time and at that moment, I decided to go have lunch with hubby, who works more than 30 minutes away. I knew that would be a relaxing car ride for all of us. (Me, Naomi and Eli.)

It was the first time Naomi has seen her daddy’s new office since he got his promotion. He had her father’s day presents on his desk and pictures up. She was tickled pink by that. It was so sweet.

We went to this little Mexican joint and had lunch together. After lunch, we drove back home and as I was opening my front door- with baby in arms- I looked down and noticed the keys. I had my husband’s keys- as well as my own. So this means I will be driving back to take him his keys- an hour roundtrip. Well, I’m sure Eli will enjoy it. And if he is quiet and content, then momma will enjoy it too!!