So by the time hubby got home, I was laying in my …

So by the time hubby got home, I was laying in my bed with the door closed and watching TV. I was hiding from the kids, the dishes, the laundry. Yep, I was hiding. Yeah, men really are clueless sometimes. “What’s wrong with you?” he asks me.

“What’s wrong? Are you kidding me?! What’s wrong with me is that you call me just to ask about laundry!”

So he left me be (which was a very good decision at the time) and fed the kids, cleaned the house and did some laundry. And meanwhile, I jumped in a hot- very hot- shower. He comes in the bathroom and starts talking to me.

“I just don’t understand. Don’t I do enough? I don’t know what else to do. I go to work, I keep Eli every night, I coach our son’s football team, I help with the house.”

I didn’t even say anything. I just let him talk. He walked out of the bathroom feeling somewhat defeated. I finished my shower and got back in bed. After the kids went to bed, I explained it to him. “It’s not that you don’t do enough. It’s that right now I don’t feel appreciated.”

I am stuck in this house with Eli, who screams non stop and it’s making me crazy! You do not get what I go through. You can’t. He doesn’t stop. And I can’t do it, escpecially if I don’t feel appreciated.

We just weren’t getting each other at that very moment. We were arguing our cases. And it was getting us nowhere. I was feeling underappreciated. He was feeling underappreciated.

Later he came back into the bedroom and stretched out both of his hands. “Give me your hands,” he said. I reluctantly did. And he just began to pray. And he almost made me cry.

“God please teach me how to be more patient and understanding with my wife. God, show me how to show her that I appreciate everything she does for me and our children. God, I do not always do everything right but I am willing to change anything that I am doing wrong. God, please show me how to make my wife feel respected and loved in every area of her life…”

And yes, he did apologize. Like 5 times.

As I was holding his hands, I was thinking ..gosh, what a great husband that even if he does say something stupid, his heart makes up for it.

The other thing I thought (yes, right at THAT very moment) was… I need to remember what he is saying so I can blog this.

So, yes, he made up for yesterday. Ane believe me when I say that he probably won’t be calling to ask about laundry again- ever again.

his mistake was calling home and when wife picks u…

his mistake was calling home and when wife picks up the phone- with screaming baby in the background- asking one question.

did you do the laundry?

oh no he didn’t.

Let’s see how creative I can get with this one. Okay, so when we are in bed tonight, I will start by rubbing his back and…when he thinks we are about to have sex… I will say, Oh, you think we are actually going to have sex now? Did you do the laundry? Oh, you didn’t? Let me know when it’s done and we can make some arrangements.

Haha. In his defense, he wasn’t being rude. He was just begin a stupid guy. Later, I called and left him this really mean voicemail. “Don’t call me again to ask me about your laundry. You wanna know about your laundry..well, here you go. You do your own damn laundry.” And some other stuff.

5 minutes later, I tried to erase it. But he had already listened to it. Oops.

He’s still in trouble.

i’ll let you know how he makes up for this one.

Life with Eli

There is too much going on here, mom! I am sitting on top of my big sister’s baby doll sleepingbag (she loves torturing me with frilly pink things.) I finally got this silly glove off my hand and now all I want is my thumb. So. Close.

Bath time?! Do I really need to be clean?! This ducky bath tub may look fun but believe me- NOT FUN.

Does it ever end? I am wet and naked. I just need a warm body to hold and snuggle me. Why are you not picking me up?!

Finally dressed in little doggy outfit that mommy thinks is so cute. I prefer a diaper and a boob to rest my head on. It’s simple. Really, it is. Just give me what I want. How is that a complicated thing?

Again with the swing?!I didn’t like it an hour ago. I don’t like it now. Boob, please.

And this is just a small portion of my day with Eli. Later, I took the kids to Melissa’s house where she held Eli for hours (what a luxury that was for me.) And we actually got a smile out of him. In the end.

So our neighborhood was giving a cookout by the po…

So our neighborhood was giving a cookout by the pool. Even with whiney butt, how could I not take my kids. I was feeling bad for keeping them all cooped up because of Eli. So, we went around 12. I got brave and put on a bathing suit and slathered my little brown baby in sunblock and put this cute little hat on him.

As soon as his little foot touched the water, all hell broke loose. He screamed and screamed like I was hurting him. Okay, now I know you were born in South Carolina (and I am sorry for that) But you were conceived where it counts– in Florida. You should be a water baby! Apparently not.

Well we got lucky and he fell asleep on me. Or the kids got lucky. As for me, I was stuck with a baby on my chest in the sticky heat. At least there was shade and wind…and a 5 year old (my daughter) who could bring me a cheeseburger and coke.

We actually made it for 2 hours before he was sleepy and cranky and screaming. Yeah, the kids got really lucky with that.

When I came home, I checked the mail and we got a notice for a child visitation hearing for my hubby’s daughter. The middle of September. I am so happy that we are finally going to court. Which means, she (child’s mother) cannot play ridiculous games anymore. Woohoo!

This is too funny.

This is too funny.

Yesterday was hubby’s 30th birthday. So I decided…

Yesterday was hubby’s 30th birthday.

So I decided to get creative and needed to use black ink to get handprints of all the kids. Even Eli. Let me just tell you that there is a VERY GOOD reason that hospitals only stamp feet and not hands. At this age, their hands are so tight fisted but I was determined because I thought it would be so cute. It was at the end. What wasn’t cute, though, was the black ink everywhere. Eli got so mad at me. He started screaming and lashed his hand back, hitting his face and then his shirt and as I was trying to wipe the ink off, it gets all over my bed and me- and it was all over him. Good one, Suz.

I took some pictures of the kids and put them in a frame. I took a few of the kids and Eli was being a whiny butt and when he finally settled down, I threw him in the mix and said..Quick! Everybody smile! Before he starts crying again!The few pictures we got of him , I took in just seconds before he began squirming and you guessed it..screaming. You can see that in the last one.

What’s really funny is that if I ever try to auto fix my pictures, my kid always look orange like in this picture that I edited. I left the others alone because i kinda like my kids being brown. LOL.

And here is the finished product…

So for dinner I made some chicken and rice. It was so good. Then me and the kids made a birthday cake and put all the candles from the one pack of candles in the cake. And lit them all and by the time he blew them out, there was wax all over the cake. But it was fun. I cannot believe we are 30!! We met when we were 20. Whoa.

I needed a break today. From Eli. So I stepped out…

I needed a break today. From Eli. So I stepped out on my back porch and just sat. I looked up into the blue, clear sky and my sister came to mind. It’s so hard to not understand something escpecially when you’re the type of person who needs to understand everything around you.

I closed my eyes and just cried out to God. “Please, please I need to know. I need to know that she is okay. I just need to know. Please God, answer this one for me. Please, please. If nothing else, just give me a sign that she is okay. Anything. Any. Thing.”

I sat there with my eyes closed surrounded by complete silence. No cars driving by, no airplanes in the sky. Complete silence. I opened my eyes and the world appeared frozen in time. Not one bird in the sky or leaves blown by the breeze. Nothing.

I closed my eyes again and said one more time. “God please. I just need to know.” And at that very instant I heard a bird singing. I opened my eyes and saw a single bird in the sky, singing as she flew by. One lone bird in a big empty sky. Not just a bird and this is how I know. I got spine tingling chills from my head to my toes and I started crying.

And I simply said.

Thankyou.

Lasnight I dreamt about my sister. She was looking…

Lasnight I dreamt about my sister. She was looking for me and when she saw me, she rushed up to me and said “Where is Eli?” I pointed just behind me and said “There he is.” And she ran up to him and scooped him up in her arms and gave him hugs and kisses. And that is how my dream ended. She was holding Eli and playing with him.

It made me cry when I remembered it this morning. I was 3 months pregnant with Eli the day she died. For a brief moment in time, they shared this world. But I think their connection will be eternal. I really do.

Yesterday I had to stop by the pedicatrician’s off…

Yesterday I had to stop by the pedicatrician’s office to pick up something for Eli. I left the boys with hubby and Naomi rode with me. When she heard I was going to the doctor’s office, she asked if she could get a shot when she got there.

“No, this is not your appointment.”

But she kept asking me. And trying to find a loophole. So I end up saying, “Well you can ask the lady when we get there. Whatever she says.”

We get there and Naomi asks, “Can I have a shot please?” And I swear, everyone that was standing turned around to see who the child was that was ASKING for a shot.

And ofcourse the lady said no. And Naomi bursted into tears. I was walking out the door with a crying child. I mean, usually it’s the kids that get the shots who leave crying. Ofcourse my child is crying because she could not get one. Wow.

Random photos…

Meet Eli’s apparent twin. He, or on somedays she, uses all of Eli’s baby stuff. He wears his diapers, clothes, and even swings in his swing. On many late nights, I go to put Eli in his swing and guess who’s already there? It’s Moses, or one somedays Sarah. Same thing with the car seat. I am going to have to tell daughter that she needs to take care of Moses the baby herself:)…instead of letting me find him/her right when I am bent over with big old boy in my arms and about to strap him in.

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On the way to Saint Augustine last week, I wanted to drive. Baby E was screaming, kids were chattering (an extra two kids at that) and I had just hung up the phone with my brother, who lives in Jax and was telling me about plans for a BBQ by the pool. I hang up and keep driving straight…which means the wrong way. I began driving to Jax, instead of St. Augustine. And the funny thing is we’re half-way there and hubby doesn’t notice either. I guess he was just along for the ride, huh? Anyhow, we end up on 16 which passes that military base. We stop at this little gas station on the corner (you know the one, right GFF?) and there are all these army guys buying beer and chips and stuff. And so hubby got a picture for Christian because he is all about the little war guys right now. That is all he ever plays with these days. Believe me, I find enough little blue guys on my living room floor. And they hurt like hell to step on, don’t they?

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“Now that I have managed to break free from my favorite blanky, I want to know what that amazing light is. I can’t stop staring.”