Smile for the camera….okay, fine stick your t…

Smile for the camera….okay, fine stick your tongue out in true Eli style.

Every time the flash went off, Eli’s eyes would get really big like he didn’t know what that funny silver thing was going to do next– jump out of my hands and attack him hehe. It was so funny-escpecially to big brother.

And I am not kidding. This is the only way Eli will go to sleep.
Wrapped up like a burrito and boxed in by two pillows. I told my friend that this has to mean something as far as personality goes. She gave me some good insight. You think it means something?

Now that’s a good husband.

He was supposed to meet his friend at the gym by 6:30 a.m. and then go to work. INSTEAD, he got the kids off to school and hung out with Eli until 10:00 a.m. while I slept like a baby. He knew I needed it, and he’s the boss so he can show up late if he really has to. (And he really did have to)

***

Now here’s an interesting story. I’ll let you draw your own conclusions…

Just breathe….

Today I felt like the ground beneath my feet was falling. It was 7:00 a.m., and hubby was about to walk out the door with the kids to take them to school, and take himself to work. I laid in bed (with Eli starting to fidget and fuss beside me) and just started crying.

And then I started sobbing..you know when you cry so hard you have to catch your breath? I thought, I could jump out of this bed and grab onto his leg and not let him leave. (Which is what I was emotinally doing.) I said “Please don’t leave me with this baby. I can’t do it today. I just…can’t.” And as if on cue, Eli starts to cry and I am so desperate. He has been working 7 days straight, leaving at 7 a.m. and getting home at 8 p.m. (because he also coaches my son’s football team.) And what do you know? Eli goes to sleep right around 7:55, just minutes before daddy comes home.

I told him that I felt like I was going to lose it but not in an insane way. (Like, don’t worry…I am not going to hurt the baby or run away. I may smoke a cigarette though, just kidding.) I am just drained. And only a person who has experienced a baby like this can feel my pain. I’m serious. It is so horrible and you feel there is no end in sight. And so he promised to come home early and to take some personal holidays next week.

Maybe I should leave at 7 a.m. and come home at 8 p.m. Do you think he would feel me then? Na, he gets me. That is why he hasn’t said another word about the ciggy. He should be glad I bought a pack of Marlboro lights and not a ticket to Malibu.

Oh what do you know? I am being summoned. (Eli calls.)

I guess I am supposed to be in trouble today. I s…

I guess I am supposed to be in trouble today. I smoked a ciggy. I was going through it- through it with the baby- and I bought a pack. Sometimes I wish I could just buy a loosy, smoke it, and be done with it.

I closed the bathroom door and smoked my little cigarette after Eli had finally given in and fell asleep. For about 5 minutes. When hubby got home, he smelled it. He was like, “That’s weird. It smells like smoke in the bathroom- like cigarettes or something.”

“That’s because I smoked one,” I said.

“No you didn’t,” he said.

“I’m not kidding. I did.”

And then he walked out of the room, closing the door behind him. He was mad.

So he gave me the silent treatment last night and didn’t answer my calls to his cell phone today. I finally called his job and said “You can’t be mad at me,” I said. “I don’t have time for it.”

“Yes I can. I am mad. I hate smoking. I mean, why don’t you read the Bible? or pray? when you get stressed out?”

“I smoked a cigarette. What’s the big deal? I still do read my Bible and pray. Smoking one cigarette does not mean I can’t pray anymore.”

“And how is it different than the wine coolers I buy?” I ask.

“Well, See, I let you buy those and…”

“You LET me?! Oh really?” Well that took the conversation in a whole nother direction. Don’t worry, ladies. I straightened him out.

I finally say “Fine. Be mad. But you can’t punish me . You are not my daddy. You are my husband.”

And so I made him talk to me. He tells me he hates cigarettes because it reminds him of his dysfunctional, abusive childhood.

And before I hung up, he really made me laugh. “I feel like I don’t know what’s going on anymore. My wife is a smoker now…”

LOL! “Honey, your wife smoked one cigarette. She is not a smoker now.”

The roaring lion sweats like a pig.

This can’t be good. Baby screaming cannot be good for anyone!!What the hell does he want from me? (And I say that with love- love and frustration ofcourse.) I figure if I have to hear the screaming all day, then my readers will have to hear about it too. And then maybe we will all get t-shirts that say “We survived Eli.”

So, forgive me for wanting to:

• take a shower
• pee
• eat
• do anything BUT cater to Eli

It’s a damn good thing he is getting cuter. Because those things I have just mentioned ARE NOT CUTE. Hubby calls him a roaring lion. And when he screams, he sweats like crazy. So, the other day hubby said “The roaring Lion sweats like a pig.” Doesn’t that sound like it’s code for something? Yeah, code for: I’m driving my momma crazy!! Ha.

P.S.- no comments about how I will get through it…unless you want to find a roaring lion on your front doorstep. And there will be a note attached to him that says “You get through it.” Because, today as the clock is ever.so.slowly.tick tick ticking..I do not feel like I will get through it.

First tackle football game for my son. My hubby is…

First tackle football game for my son. My hubby is the coach. And he is not easy on these guys. After a few practices, two of the parents pulled their kids out and never came back. I was like, “Honey, what are you doing to those kids?”

His answer: teaching them some discipline. I wanted to say go easy on those little guys. A few of them have cried in the middle of practice. Awww.

So this was their first-ever tackle football game. And they were amazing. They lost by one touch down to a veteran team. Parents could not believe how they played with such intensity. Right after the game, one dad came up to my husband and said “Did you get my e-mail?” (no.) “Well, delete it okay?” He starts apologizing and saying, “Okay, now I understand what you have been doing for the past month.”

Many of these kids, you can tell, have not had much discipline in their lives so they just want to stop when things get too difficult- or cry their way out of it.

So you know when I came home, I checked his e-mail . Hehe. He would have deleted it without ever reading it. That’s just how he is. Me- my curiousity always gets me. The parent was explaining to my husband how he thought he was demoralizing his son by making him cry and stick with it, while he was embarrassed in front of his teammates. His e-mail was so passionate that I was surprised that he simply said…”Delete the whole thing.” It was long too, like 5 or 6 paragraphs. You know it took him a while to write it.

My poor son was so upset that they lost. But my husband’s message to the kids was: You won! They looked at him like he was crazy. He said, “We set goals. One- that they wouldn’t score more than 14 points; two- (well, whatever two was I don’t remember.)” And then they all perked up a little and you could see their pride. They were like, Yeah..we did do that. I just had to snap these shots of my son. (followed by a big hug and high five) He was so sad. Not for long, though.

We had some friends who came to see the game. They brought their kids who are the same age as our kids. So after the game, they came to see our house (I’m glad I had been in cleaning mode on Friday:) and then we went to Quizno’s. Hubby went to work, and they took my kids for the day (sans Eli, ofcourse.) And now I am home relaxing. Not a bad day….

I survived Eli…

One day, I am going to have a t-shirt made that says “I survived Eli.” Can you see that little tear rolling down his cheek? (first picture.) Oh…Eli…what are we going to do with you?

So, let’s talk Dog the bounty hunter…one of my f…

So, let’s talk Dog the bounty hunter…one of my favorite people. I’m going to make this short because talking about this kind of stuff really gets my blood boiling. Okay, so here we have a guy that took a rapist off the street. I don’t frigging care if he broke some stupid laws to do it. He got the guy away from us women!

Now let’s talk children. Let’s talk people hurting children getting NO JAIL TIME. There are lots of examples I could provide but this one escpecially makes me mad. Does anyone remember Dakeysha Lee? She is the idiot who went to get her “nails did” and left her 2-year-old home alone. Only she ended up getting arrested and did not tell anyone that her baby was by herself because she did not want to get into any more trouble.

The baby was home alone for 19 days until someone noticed. And this is not the mother telling them, this was the dad (home from the Navy) frantically looking for his kid because he had not heard from them in weeks. When they found the baby, she was laying on a bed with a towel pulled over her. The bed was covered with feces and urine. The TV was on. (So apparently dumbass left her baby home with the TV as a baby sitter.) And the refrigerator had NO FOOD IN IT! (as in when the mother left, it was empty.) The baby ate ketchup and dried noodles for 3 weeks. Investigators found canned items that the baby tried to break open. There were dents in them where she was threw them against the floor. She drank from the toilet.

And dumbass gets NO JAIL TIME! 18 months probation.

And I quote:

Duval Circuit Judge Henry Davis withheld adjudication in the case, which means Lee will not have a criminal record if she successfully completes the terms of her probation.

I am going to call this judge and ask him WHY. Btw, his work number is 904-630-2534. You know, I wish I would have been made aware of this sooner. I just had no idea it was this bad. I think it was only covered locally- the outcome at least.

“I’m glad it’s all over with,” Lee said after the hearing. (You idiot. I bet your child is glad it’s all over with!) When asked about her plans, she replied, “to get my daughter back”. The girl is with her father, who said in a note to the court that the child is doing well and is attending preschool.

Under terms of her probation, the mother is required to take a parenting class, (ya think?! I say forget the parenting class because I wouldn’t let her be a parent again.) undergo a psychological evaluation, perform 50 hours of community service and pay court costs. (Can we do the math here. 19 days=456 hours this little girl was by herself with no food and you want the mother to pick up some trash on the side of the road for a mere 50 hours?!)

Oh no but this gets good: she didn’t even do the community service and is facing 5 years in prison for violating her probation. She’ll probably get 30 days, right?

You get more time in jail for selling a bag of weed or..hmmm… taking a rapist off the street. What’s up with that? Do we so despise our children that we just don’t give a damn in America? And have you heard that John Mark Carr may be walking the streets soon? The DA dropped three of his kiddie porn charges, which I think left him with two, which means he will be getting out on time served. FOR KIDDIE PORN. Again– why don’t we give a damn about the kids. I mean, a good friend of mine is in prison for 10 years for crossing state lines to sell weed. WEED. NOT METH. WEED. And yeah, he was selling a good amount of it. But he didn’t hurt a kid.

I would have given him probation and Dakeysha Lee 10 years. Doesn’t that seem like it makes more sense?

So my thoughts this morning…screw the screwed up system. Damn, it makes me mad.

I want so badly to LOVE staying home with Eli, but…

I want so badly to LOVE staying home with Eli, but right now— I do not even like my child. Brutal honesty. Ofcourse, I love him. But he is driving me insane. The crying- the crying!! I think, maybe I should get a full time job. BUT I wouldn’t want a stranger with him. Not now. I mean, he is the baby who would get shaken by an impatient day care worker. And ofcourse, no matter how crazy he makes me..I would never hurt him. (Just put him in the room and close the door on occasions.)

But I always come bak in a few minutes and pray that THIS TIME he will take his paci and fall asleep, and he usually does. But it is the time in-between that literally makes me cry.

At least he is a good boy at the gym, and I get a great workout while the girls hold him to his heart’s content. I WILL BE GOING TO THE GYM TODAY.
***

So, I was looking at my scars (from my breast reduction) when I noticed something. Something blue. Something under my skin. Not soft, not hard. I called my plastic surgeon and he remembered me. Yes your suture broke off. Ah yes, I remember you pulled so hard that I almost came flying off the table. Apparently he told me to come back and see the nurse to remove it. But I was probably too drugged up to remember to do that. And I do vaguely remember that conversation. Not his fault. He is awesome. (If you’re in Gainesville, Dr. John Tyrone is an awesome boob doc. AWESOME!!)

So, I have to go in to get this suture removed. As soon as I hang up the phone, I’m like…AND HOW ARE YOU GOING TO remove this thing?! You going to have to cut me open?! Well isn’t that just lovely!?

But what I find pretty amusing: It took me an entire year to notice!

Ugh.

Broke a nail today. Ugh.

Got no sleep lastnight. Ugh.

Eli has cried and whined ALL.DAY.LONG. Ugh.

Sent out a million queries. Not one took. Ugh.

But worst of all: My daughter found OUR SEX BOOK! Uuuuuuuughhhhhh!!!!

Yeah, the one that hubby left under the bed. (Under the bed, babe? She is 5 and will randomly look in random places for random things…Don’t you know that?!!) Ugh.

More about that later. Ugh.