I lied..one last post

Just wanted to say that you can all read me anytime over at work. Please keep up with me. This work blog, being rather new, I still need your support:) Hope to see you there!

mombl*g.g@inesville.com

Goodbye

Faith in Florida’s time is up. I love every one of my readers. We’ve been through a lot. I have been through a lot of changes recently, and feel like many things in my life have run their course. When I changed to wordpress, I think it was inevitable. It just wasn’t the same. I tried to go back but some jerk stole my addy. I think it was meant to be.

I might as well be real one last time. I am struggling with my marriage. After he made those year-long phone calls, things were never the same. I did forgive him, but never looked at him the same way. It’s like with the blog. It just changed, and it never felt right again. I knew things had really changed when I could no longer even write about him. All of a sudden, he was non-existent in my blog world. That’s probably because when I write, I pour out my heart. And after the betrayal and the suffering, he was just no longer there…in my heart.

So, the truth comes out. Yes, I’m busy and not feeling well. But, when did that ever stop me from writing? The truth is, I couldn’t write without being honest. And honestly, only a miracle of God could save this marriage now.

My husband was my blogspot. Comfortable and just right. And then he became this foreign, strange and never quite right again wordpress.  My blog life always seems to mirror the real one.

I love you – especially you Melissa and you, Stace.

You can all email me at faithinfloridablog@yahoo.com. I know I am not always good about it, but I promise to answer every email I get. I’ll keep the email up for a while. The blog will come down when it’s time, but this is my last post here.

Just breathe

I am okay. I have actually been smiling today, except for the moment my son threw the biggest tantrum ever. I really need to change my blog, rename it. Something. It feels like it doesn’t fit me anymore. I can’t put my finger on it.

I just wrote about my Gatorade-gone-wrong incident the other day over at work.

momblog at g@inesville.com (Thanks for the support)

Go check it out. My favorite part about being a parent is learning the little (but huge) life lessons from my own children.

I feel like God definitely speaks to me through my children.The other day I was breaking down because of the thought of having four children. But today, I am smiling and thanking God and laughing too because I guess he thought to himself, No…no…I have many more lessons to teach this one.

Encuoraging words

always welcome.

Honestly, I am just scared.

I don’t hate my husband or my life.

I am just scared. I am scared of being a mom to FOUR kids. That seems like so many people for me to be responsible for. I’m making less than $15/hour and that scares me. So, I’m still here. I’m still okay. I was just in the middle of a panic attack (one that may last another six months) when I last posted.

Dreams

Called in sick today because… I am sick. And then realized that I have a freelance assignment due today. Errrrrr. And so I am sitting here working on that. I am trying to get Ted Haggard on the phone. This should be interesting, although I think he pretty much avoids media so we’ll see how this pans out.

But, wanted to share the dreams I was having lastnight, more for myself than anything. Okay, so in all my recent dreams of my sister, I can ask her questions but not face to face. Usually we are on the phone, but also in the same room. So, she says to me (over the phone) “Our grandfather is dying, and I will be with him on the first day of his journey when he dies.”

I didn’t respond. I was just a little shocked. And then I asked her some questions that I do not remember. She answered all of them, except for the last one. I asked her “Is there really a real hell?”

And it was like, she was not allowed to answer. As if, you only really find out when you are on the other side. And since I am not there yet, I don’t get to know. (On a side note, I’ve always wondered about the symbolism in the Bible. I simply cannot believe that God would create us and then let us burn for eternity. On the other hand, I believe that hell is maybe a place without God. I don’t know.)

Anyhow, I would wake up and fall back asleep. And she kept coming back to me, saying “We need to get ready for our grandfather’s funeral. He is going to die soon.”

So, I don’t know if she is really telling me something, or if I am having crazy, hormonal dreams…But either way, I wanted to capture it here.

Inhale and…

Since I never found my puddin’ pops. (Can you believe that?) I started freezing my own puddings. If you let them thaw out a little, they are the perfect frozen (and fat-free) treats. I may be addicted.

So, I don’t know why I haven’t been around lately. I was kind of annoyed that I couldn’t get my blog spot address so I guess I was rebelling for a little while in true me-fashion. But, at last, I am over it.

At least I have all my archives saved, right? So, not too bad. And I am about to be faithinflorida.com again — muahahahaha! No one can take that away from me. Weeeee!!

And now I am going to take my friend’s advice, who told me today: “Repeat after me: I am pregnant and hormonal….I am crazy”

Exhale. It’s good to be back.